You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can Purell be used as lube?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
