i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
