Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In other news, I just burned my penis
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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