Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
