I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
