and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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