She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
