dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize