I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
