fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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