thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
