Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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