In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
