You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
