Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
