If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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