I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
