i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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