Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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