you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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