u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
