remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
