The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
