Farmville is her only friend.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
