I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
