My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
