Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
