Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
