i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
