youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
