I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it glows. i had to have it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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