I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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