just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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