While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
