weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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