Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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