3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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