i already hear my dad disowning me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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