oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
