he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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