I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
