handjob tips. give me some.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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