i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
