AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
