She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize