Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
