so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize