Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
