I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
