Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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