he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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