Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
