the condom got lost in my hair
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
