Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone signed my nipple.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
