The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
