I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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