Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
ok first of all what the fuck
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize