After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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