totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
