Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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