ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
