just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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