I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
