I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
