the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
