my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
