I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
