Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
