literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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