this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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