For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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