There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
