guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
