I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
