also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
